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hello, first impressions.
Jun. 6th, 2012 | 07:33 pm
mood: 
cheerful
hey there, i'm Queena.
i like fireworks and nice people.
if you happen to be either, we should definitely be best friends.
i have fantastic posture.
i know your smile by heart.
i drink a lot of tea; all day, errrday.
searched for the truth, and all i found was you.
mi Dios.
ღ
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alright listen.
Jun. 6th, 2011 | 07:46 pm
mood: awake
i'm saying, your life will not go unnoticed because i will notice it.
your life will not go unwitnessed because i will be your witness.
it's never polite to say, "i’m going to kiss you now because i can’t do anything else," but do it anyway.
similar to tricycles, summer, winter, autumn, spring, bruised knees, your first kiss, and there is no Santa Clause, life is really just a series of things that happen.
sometimes to you.
things will change even if you do nothing.
so if you're waiting for a sign, this is it.
go for it, i believe in you.
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it's a little bit funny.
May. 31st, 2009 | 12:26 am
mood: 
scared
how, this time next, next summer, i need to have gotten accepted into Waterloo, because Waterloo’s the only chance i’ve got at doing what i love without knowing exactly what that is. honours arts with an ib diploma. what a fucking joke. i don’t know what i want, and i don’t know how to get it. all i know is, i need to do ib because i'm not exceptional enough to stand out among other applicants without it. i need 5’s in higher level English, History and Biology, and a total score of at least 28. i need to ace ToK and the extended essay. i need to rack up some CAS hours this summer. i know high school’s not serious business, i know it’s all just pretend, but i need this little bit of direction right now.
i need to get into Waterloo, or find some alternative university that offers a similar entry program.
but how does everyone already seem to know what they want to do with their life? most days, all i know is what i don't want to do. i don't want to do something that doesn't matter. but what matters? people matter. love matters. smiling children matter. happiness matters. so what degree invokes change in the hearts of strangers? what university brings smiling children together on Sunday afternoons, by park benches and library fountains? the possibility of turning off the wrong exit, at the wrong time, or choosing an entirely wrong path, terrifies me. i wish we got to choose certain attributes of our life-- who our parents were, who fell in love with us, what kind of person we'd turn out to be, the story we'd leave behind. i wish all the important stuff were predetermined, like a checklist. we'd discover life-- the lesser surprises would take greater meaning as they all eventually fit into the grander image of our lifetime, but we'd never completely veer off track. we'd always, always, be headed in the right direction, with all the right people alongside us for the long journey home. it wouldn't be like this, no, we wouldn't be flailing our arms around in the pitch darkness, hoping not to brush against misfortune. we'd just be here, living, smiling.
actually, i have no idea. charming ideas hardly ever produce favorable results in practice.
the future terrifies me. i hope i'm not the only one it scares.
i need to get into Waterloo, or find some alternative university that offers a similar entry program.
but how does everyone already seem to know what they want to do with their life? most days, all i know is what i don't want to do. i don't want to do something that doesn't matter. but what matters? people matter. love matters. smiling children matter. happiness matters. so what degree invokes change in the hearts of strangers? what university brings smiling children together on Sunday afternoons, by park benches and library fountains? the possibility of turning off the wrong exit, at the wrong time, or choosing an entirely wrong path, terrifies me. i wish we got to choose certain attributes of our life-- who our parents were, who fell in love with us, what kind of person we'd turn out to be, the story we'd leave behind. i wish all the important stuff were predetermined, like a checklist. we'd discover life-- the lesser surprises would take greater meaning as they all eventually fit into the grander image of our lifetime, but we'd never completely veer off track. we'd always, always, be headed in the right direction, with all the right people alongside us for the long journey home. it wouldn't be like this, no, we wouldn't be flailing our arms around in the pitch darkness, hoping not to brush against misfortune. we'd just be here, living, smiling.
actually, i have no idea. charming ideas hardly ever produce favorable results in practice.
the future terrifies me. i hope i'm not the only one it scares.
Goodnight, moon.
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happy birthday.
May. 23rd, 2009 | 01:49 pm
mood: happy
may 23rd 2009:
they say the merits of friendship are based on the struggles they've overcome,
well, if that's the case, then our friendship is some kind of miracle.
because becoming friends was easy,
it was staying friends through fights and misunderstandings and indifferences,
that truly defines us, and you, as an extraordinary person.
here's to another year of laughter, love and surprises.
happy birthday, Natasha!
they say the merits of friendship are based on the struggles they've overcome,
well, if that's the case, then our friendship is some kind of miracle.
because becoming friends was easy,
it was staying friends through fights and misunderstandings and indifferences,
that truly defines us, and you, as an extraordinary person.
here's to another year of laughter, love and surprises.
happy birthday, Natasha!
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happy birthday.
May. 10th, 2009 | 01:00 pm
mood: happy
may 10th 2009:
i've known you for a year now.
for 365 days, you've filled my heart.
here's to knowing you'll find exactly what you're looking for someday.
happy birthday, Edward!
i've known you for a year now.
for 365 days, you've filled my heart.
here's to knowing you'll find exactly what you're looking for someday.
happy birthday, Edward!
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won't even start.
May. 10th, 2009 | 12:55 pm
mood: calm
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the notch on a belt.
May. 6th, 2009 | 04:36 pm
mood: 
crappy
similar to tricycles, summer, winter, autumn, spring, bruised knees, your first kiss and there is no Santa Clause, life is really just a series of things that happen.
sometimes to you.
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this will be the last time.
May. 3rd, 2009 | 01:54 am
mood: 
lethargic
When I don't think about it, it's easy. When I focus on all the good things to come, and all the growing I've done these past nine months, it's really not so bad. But then at the end of the day, that doesn't take away from the fact that you belong to her. I can't remember how this all started. Was there a moment? Was there a split second of decision? Or was it some sort of process, where a series of critical choices were made? Or rather, not made. I can't remember, but I wish I did. Had I done something differently at some point, would the outcome have been more favorable? I used to spend my days making lists of things to tell you. Daily plans, secret plans, likes, dislikes.. just a slew of things I couldn't wait to tell you about at the end of the day. Then when the time came to finally say it all, I'd stumble over my words, diction would get stuck in my throat, and less than half of it would end up spilling out in a manner that didn't charm. I'd do anything to fix us now; to tell you I don't mean to come off as crazy, but there's a part of me that wants a shot-- just one, and you feel like something worth fighting for. I'd tell you there's a hole in my heart where your love used to be, but as long as I don't pull at it, all the self-respect I've managed to salvage through this whole ordeal keeps it safely intact.
I'm moving in a direction that doesn't parallel yours. That's a start. I might be tempted to wait, and I might get so sick of missing you, but there's no room left in my life for anyone who doesn't wish to be there. I'm not too convinced of anything at the moment. If someday God decides to bring you back to me, I won't be afraid to do this all over again. Fingers crossed, but no promises on the future.
Goodnight, moon.
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plans.
Apr. 25th, 2009 | 12:56 am
mood: optimistic
music: Falling In Love At A Coffee Shop - Langdon Pigg
Late at night, I forget that we're not meant to be together. I forget the way we fell apart; the way you looked at me last. I somehow manage to convince myself that this is still the brief span where we are apart to endure trials and grow. Everything that should've been easy comes right back down to the brilliant hazel in your eyes, and the gentle reserve in your smiles. In my head, I know every bit as well as anyone that there is no future in the cards for us; that there is no "us", and three weeks from now, you will be but a distant memory. So tell me; how does one explain such a vicious truth to the heart, when even the mind sometimes spins from it?
I still believe that there is a way out of every situation. God has a plan for all of us. The point is not to understand that plan, but to believe in it. Nothing we do is the result of singular efforts, from ourselves, or our peers. Just as we are never alone in our righteousness, we are never alone in our wrongdoing either. The greatest love of my life now, and ever, is Him. I believe he will pull me through this. I believe he has a plan, even for me.
Goodnight, moon.
I still believe that there is a way out of every situation. God has a plan for all of us. The point is not to understand that plan, but to believe in it. Nothing we do is the result of singular efforts, from ourselves, or our peers. Just as we are never alone in our righteousness, we are never alone in our wrongdoing either. The greatest love of my life now, and ever, is Him. I believe he will pull me through this. I believe he has a plan, even for me.
Goodnight, moon.
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happy birthday.
Apr. 21st, 2009 | 04:15 pm
mood: happy
april 21st 2009:
i've always been sure that there was a reason we met.
our story is about looking for the wrong things in all the right places,
then finding the right things in all the wrong places.
i don't regret our story.
i don't regret any of you.
hope you're enjoying Twilight!
happy birthday, Peter!
i've always been sure that there was a reason we met.
our story is about looking for the wrong things in all the right places,
then finding the right things in all the wrong places.
i don't regret our story.
i don't regret any of you.
hope you're enjoying Twilight!
happy birthday, Peter!
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don't go far off, not even for a day.
Apr. 12th, 2009 | 12:27 am
mood: melancholy
by Pablo Neruda
don't go far off, not even for a day, because—
because—i don't know how to say it: a day is long
and i will be waiting for you, as in an empty station
when the trains are parked off somewhere else, asleep.
don't leave me, even for an hour, because
then the little drops of anguish will all run together,
the smoke that roams looking for a home will drift
into me, choking my lost heart.
oh, may your silhouette never dissolve on the beach;
may your eyelids never flutter into the empty distance.
don't leave me for a second, my dearest,
because in that moment you'll have gone so far.
i'll wander mazily over all the earth, asking,
will you come back? will you leave me here, dying?
don't go far off, not even for a day, because—
because—i don't know how to say it: a day is long
and i will be waiting for you, as in an empty station
when the trains are parked off somewhere else, asleep.
don't leave me, even for an hour, because
then the little drops of anguish will all run together,
the smoke that roams looking for a home will drift
into me, choking my lost heart.
oh, may your silhouette never dissolve on the beach;
may your eyelids never flutter into the empty distance.
don't leave me for a second, my dearest,
because in that moment you'll have gone so far.
i'll wander mazily over all the earth, asking,
will you come back? will you leave me here, dying?
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sixteen.
Apr. 1st, 2009 | 10:57 pm
mood: happy
it's my birthday!
just 16.
still little.
:)
just 16.
still little.
:)
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imposter.
Mar. 28th, 2009 | 05:26 pm
mood: blah
is it too late to find God?
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happy birthday.
Mar. 23rd, 2009 | 05:50 pm
mood: happy
mar 23th 2009:
everyday, you remind me of exactly why you're my favourite.
despite all the times i've doubted you, you're still here, and you've never left me.
thank you for everything.
happy birthday, Bogdan!
everyday, you remind me of exactly why you're my favourite.
despite all the times i've doubted you, you're still here, and you've never left me.
thank you for everything.
happy birthday, Bogdan!
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mark eskandar.
Mar. 18th, 2009 | 05:01 pm
mood: thankful
"I feel better inside, I've found something I lost. I love you so much. I forgot and now I remember and it feels like freedom."
=)
=)
(i love you too, Marcus. spending the day with you yesterday felt like going home after a long time away.)
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the tree that grew while you were away.
Mar. 18th, 2009 | 04:54 pm
mood: okay
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peter, bjorn and john.
Mar. 14th, 2009 | 03:34 am
mood: content
usually when things has gone this far
people tend to disappear
no one will surprise me unless you do.
people tend to disappear
no one will surprise me unless you do.
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jason mraz.
Mar. 3rd, 2009 | 08:38 pm
mood: 
nostalgic
'cause you and i both loved
what you and i spoke of
and others just read of
others only read of the love
oh, the love that i love
what you and i spoke of
and others just read of
others only read of the love
oh, the love that i love
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the academy is.
Mar. 1st, 2009 | 07:19 pm
mood: crappy
you were the only face i'd ever known
i was the light from the lamp on the floor
and only as bright as you wanted me to be
i was the light from the lamp on the floor
and only as bright as you wanted me to be
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john mayer.
Mar. 1st, 2009 | 03:34 pm
mood: busy
i adore you but there's a hole in the cup that should hold my love
if you let, if you let, if you let me leave
i swear i never will
if you let, if you let, if you let me leave
i swear i never will